Mango and I have made it to day 10! What a trip! I even blogged on my vacation. So many great outcomes.
Discovered: I am clearer on my why: awakening, self expression, play and transformation. I really like writing stuff people will read; more than I thought. I can push myself to write at late hours and stick with a deadline. I tend to put off writing till absurd hours. 30 minute posts take 3 hours. My night writing is better than my morning writing. Ugh.
New habits: I have started a regular morning writing routine. See above ugh.
What on earth did I get from this 10 days( in a row) blog challenge: Day 2, find the why, was the most exasperating and longest session, but the most important. Day 9 was the absolute most pleasure to write. The dream of setting up in Portugal and writing music with my cat, Mango, for a month (or 6), implanted itself as a mini-movie in my head now, complete with sense memories and emotions! It seems (more) possible. This is the takeaway. That it is (more) possible. Writing about it made it so. Natalie asked great clarifying questions and encouraged us to post on social media (I felt obnoxious), which made me give more to the project, knowing I had a (potential) audience.
Now what? continue to blog twice a week, minimum. Maybe redo the 10 questions to clarify more. They are very important questions for starting an online nomad business, which I intend to by the years end! Ooo I have like 6 weeks.
As audacious as this may sound I dream of taking six months to travel and write music.
But who doesn’t? This is like my dirty little secret. I shut it up for two reasons: money and fear. I use the excuse, “Oh, you are just wanting to run away and escape. This is no solution.”
Or iiiiiiis it?
At the moment, I leave songs unfinished, bits of verses and random choruses, and instrumental sections that will one day have trumpets and violas and ukulele and congas and double bass kick drums and haunting strings. I am sad that I don’t (write music). It’s like I am living my own funeral every day. Why bother? I cannot make a living at it. Wow that sounds so sad. Sorry. Writing songs is all I really wanted to do as a kid and I made up plenty in my head. Then in my 20’s I had my band, Screaming Venus, and wrote the songs but burnt out on trying to keep a band together (we had RGS, revolving guitar player syndrome). I wonder if I could be a decent composer. Will I ever find out? Will I ever be skilled enough at piano to play what I hear and feel? Will I ever answer that?
I dream I wake up in Portugal on a hill in a row of white stucco apartment houses overlooking the sea. I pay like twenty bucks a week for a two bedroom! Mango, (hey how’d you get here!?) wakes me up for her morning ride. She looks straight ahead from the basket on the bike, wind in her fur, as we head to the market for her fresh fish. I grab a loaf of that bread you see in the movies at European markets, fresh and fluffy, and some pomegranates or whatever is juicy and bright. Off we go! We take the coastal path home. The gravel shakes the bike and Mango braces down but never takes her eyes off the road. After breakfast and a run, we sit down for a two hour music writing session. Mango is ready for lunch so we eat. I get in two more hours of music and two for my online business (this will take a lead later).
At sundown Mango and I bike into town where we meet musicians and artists. I joined an improv comedy team that is very low commitment: just show up and play once a week. Sometimes I bring my keyboard or guitar and play to their absurdities. Other musicians show up; trumpet players, drummers, guitarists, and kids of all ages. This is the light I have been craving. This is the love that was missing. This was the art that was dying. Finally, Mango is tired and stuffed from all the goodies my new friends always bring her. She jumps in the basket and off we go! …..
Then I don’t wake up because it wasn’t a dream. Or maybe I do and start this here where I am as best I can till I make that dream a thing. Or maybe going is what I need to make it a thing. Right?!
Do you have a secret of a dream? What would it feel like fleshed out in real time? What could you do that would make your past ten-year-old self drop to her knees and thank you for (after slapping you first for taking so long)? What would you cry to honor in yourself? I invite you to dream it out on paper. Just for kicks.
Today was mini-adventure day. I took myself to the new Beatles movie, directed by Ron Howard, Eight Days a Week, the Touring Years.
This documentary is really about the effect Beatlemania had on PJG&R. We see nothing (thank you!) of the Yoko takeover or the great divide of John and Paul over manager preferences and deeper issues. We see nothing of Pete Best, the pre-Ringo days. And nothing (well not much) of the pills-weed phases.
What we did see was shots of camaraderie, warmth and playfulness. We saw their cheery sarcasm grounded in realness that was and still is so damn refreshing. A reporter asks the group what they think about why the crowd screams so much. George (the cheeky bahstad) says he doesn’t know but if he did he would hire up another band (train them to do that) and be their managers instead. When asked why they are so snobbish to reporters, Paul says that they get a lot of questions that are not nice, so don’t expect a nice answer. That just means we’re real. You gotta love their fearlessness and comfort with themselves! That is what we all want: freedom and permission to play. They would not settle for less. That’s why they did Sergeant Peppers. They were so thrashed and beaten from the pressure of being a “Beatle” that Paul suggested they take on new personalities to play in.
Most interesting, for me, was the behind the scenes song writing. They wrote rough skeletons (P and J) and brought them into the studio every morning for just an hour and a half to write the drums, and flesh out the songs! I was inspired. We see/hear about John’s discovery, by sheer accident, of backmasking, recording recorded tracks backwards, during Revolver sessions. We get plenty of interviews of Paul and Ringo but also a few precious interview recordings of George and John.
Then there is the full live performance at Shea Stadium after the credits. This was pretty awesome because we learn early in the movie that they could not hear themselves during that gig due to the noisy 52,000 people crowd and the teeny field speakers (used by the sports commentators during games) as an attempt at a PA system! What were they thinking? Listen to how in tune they are! Watch for the brief moment on the second to last song where Paul gets off tempo and John laughs at him. They had such a great attitude! 52,000 fans and they are just highly skilled goofs up there rolling with it.
Well done Ron.
I just realized the coincidence of it being Day 8 of the 10 day blog challenge and the movie title!
Can we create space (time) for stuff that is important? Can we?! Can we take imperfect action, like the photo here, blurry and has the time stamp on it because the crop feature is apparently on strike? Can we?! Why don’t we every day of our lives? I know, I know, but seriously, t’ink about this.
The question for day 7 of the blog challenge is what imperfect action will I start tomorrow that can help move my life forward. I’m going with a morning writing routine. It sounds so fun! To sit with my coffee and toast in the quiet and be creative! Why not? What have I to lose?
Maybe morning thoughts and creations are different than other-time thoughts and creations.
I truly would not know. But soon I will. I will know that. And that will be helpful to know.
I would love to see what life feels like if I sit and write in the morning. Sitnwrite-time. Will the rest of my day feel different? I have project ideas and speeches to write and this content needs only one thing, its own time slot.
Now, let’s be honest. If we write for twenty minutes a day for a month, will that produce much? Meh, probably not. But hang on! It just may give me enough momentum to want to write longer or at other times. You know the “just-put-the-sneakers-on-you-dont-have-to-go-running” trick we play to get ourselves out the door (if that’s your thing)? Like that. And if not, well, we will have information. No harm done.
Have you heard of Naomi James, the first woman to sail around the world single-handed via Cape Horn in 1977? Well, she’s real. I admire her audaciousness to take on this adventure, being quite new to sailing at the time. The goal was so exciting, and the challenge so thoroughly interesting. She managed to survive squalls, half broken masts, failed radio equipment, and even a capsize. When I was little I would tell my father, when attempting to do something that was a bit difficult, “dad, I can han how.” Naomi James lived and breathed han how! She has quit sailing for good and studies has a doctorate in philosophy (I believe, dont quote me).
What quality do you cherish the most in life? Are you afraid of death and why?
When and where will I sit my butt down and work on this new project
Ok, so I have a sort-of idea! This is great. Now I need a space and time to commit to to sit and write content. All I need is content at the moment and I do not want to spook myself off into more journaling, by overwhelm. So here is the plan:
My work will happen from 8-10am tues wed thurs and 8-10 pm friday sunday, with saturday and mondays off. I will clean out this book shelf and desk area so its way more Danish-like (neat, clean, sparse) and on some days go to the cafe if I need a change of scenery.
make one video every tuesday and upload to my youtube channel, write blog on thurs. Write content other days. Research other creativity coaches. Work in 30 minute blocks with stretch breaks. Do videos outdoors. Zero in on who I want to help, with exactly what problem and how. this is my plan for December.
Self discovery is: very disco self. Something to consider.
Our super powers are the things we are good at AND enjoy. I made a list and whittled and whittled (it was hundreds of pages) and finally got it down to 10 things! Then I deleted the things that just wouldn’t make a good business (doing cartwheels, sadly) or were just not appealing to me for a business (balancing on my exercise ball and nutrition, been there, all done!) the shiney super stars left were…. ready… omg I’m so excited!
Psyche! Although close! It was this: (you should be sitting. (Say that 10 times fast)).
A – Working with strong emotion- mine and others, moving from dark to light
B – Creative Expression: song writing, singing, personal development writing, writing and illustrating children’s stories, public speaking: impromtu and scripted, Yes, yes, I tried acting. It was my thing for awhile, then music, and dance. That is WHY I moved to New York City at age 15 and somehow lived to tell. But THAT story is for another day, depending on if Mango wants me to tell it, which leads us tidily to:
I can help people work with depression or lack of motivation or self confidence by tapping into their creativity. A creative self expression coach including improv, music and public speaking. Something to do with taking on challenges, to creating more opportunities to feel good about oneself. Hmmm. We are getting there for sure. I recommend doing this exercise if you have many interests and or have no idea what you are good at. That’s where I started.
If you read this far, I really owe you a hand-made paper pom-pom. Let me know what color you want. xoxo
On May 25, 2017 or 2018, I wake up next to a window of light and see the white pines and multi-colored wildflowers kinda wiggling in the morning breeze. I see a couple of goats in the back jumping. There is an amazing guy next to me who smells like life and joy and would travel five hours to be with me for one. This house has so much light in the morning I must squint to make my veggie juice!
After I write my morning thanks on the whiteboard and sit to appreciate whatever comes to mind, and after I’ve fed my four kitties, scratched them all behind their ears and put the coffee on, I head out to the beach for a jog, which is not far at all. Perhaps I ride my bike. Yes, that’s what I do.
Once on the sand, I reflect on my purpose here on earth and thank the ocean for its awesomeness. I do some sun salutations then jog or run for however long seems good. On the ride back I’m thinking about my day, excited to get started, but trying to focus on the sweet smell of the air, or the sun (or fog, or mist) on my face, or the sound of the seagulls! Wow, they are lovely. Thank you birds. Hey, there’s that stray dog again. No! Don’t take him home. Do. Don’t. Uhhhh! Ok, I got him.
He’s a mutt about the size of a fox.
And now, its time to get my 45 minutes of piano practice in and then its off to meet some folks I am collaborating with on my new project.
And I haven’t even had lunch, which reminds me, my son comes by with his girlfriend for lunch so I gotta go. Ciao!
Thank you if you’ve read this far. Its a little scary spilling my guts out here to the whole world. This blog challenge is about getting clear and also being honest, to write from the heart on the topic of the day. Today was: creating a sensory specific vision of the ideal day. Thanks for reading my words. This was a fun one. xoxo
Hello! Today I am answering a question that I have been chewing on for one year to date! What is the driving force for my life? What is the reason I do anything I do? The answer should help steer me towards designing work that is aligned with that purpose.
Here we go!
I love self discovery for the purpose of waking up. I believe this sensory reality pales with how things actually are. Meditation, yoga, dance, personal development, communication stuff. I believe our inner world and our outer world share elemental qualities and in essence are not two different things. I have had very very minor and fleeting glimpses of that. The absolute worst self-curse I have made on myself was believing I could not change my life. So yeah, empowerment in the freest sense, through the mind and then dissolving (so to speak). Deep and irreversible!
I love sparkly things and cauldron’s both. Not because I am a supreme optimist or practice dark arts! But simply because they both are conduits of transformation. Get some fairy dust you can fly. Make a potion you can be mentally or physically healed… or ahh yeah whatever.
What is my Why, guys? So let’s distill that. I think it is first and foremost- to be honest – selfish. I want A things: to awaken myself. I enjoy getting to the bottom of things. I want complete freedom which is awakening in itself. Then there is nothing to be free from. And B things: to create and live in a utopia of friendly, colorful, vibrant, kind, magical (we are talking best case scenario here), transformative, fun, creative place. You are invited.
Lets distill that even further :
Mix A: personal empowerment. with B. Creative stuff/Arts. I am here to wake myself up and share that creatively to create a harmonious and fun world.
even further :
I am here to promote awakening through seeing the lighter side of dark and visa versa and then blasting through the whole thing altogether.
Transformation through humor and imagination of the impossible (like foxicorns)
Did I just find my why? I’m running with this one.
Getting clear (attempt none-the-less) on whats holding me back from living my ideal lifestyle
warning: very serious post here, a tad off my usual pace.
This was a very hard question to answer. This has been the question I’ve been asking myself for a year now and Natalie Sisson makes it the first one of the series!!! If I knew the answer to this question I’d be sailing! I have come and gone from this blog post many times in the past four hours, searching for the answer; spent an hour playing piano, hoping the answer would “come” to me, journaled, stretched, even did a backbend hoping it would jolt clarity into my brain. Cried (can’t forget this activity), dyed my hair, and here I am. Its 1:26 am, Natalie, with no answers. So for the sake of writing something, anything I am going to attempt an honest answer. It may not be totally the reason, but it’s the best I’ve got.
What is holding me back. Something is keeping me from feeling hopeful about life. It’s like a weight. I don’t doubt myself. It’s not that. I am not lacking of hobbies and passions for sure! I have health, thank goodness and am quite happy these days, relatively speaking. But I have a doubt about maybe money, or something. It makes no sense. I used to be extremely adventurous. Parenting brought on stability and some adult-like qualities. Maybe that’s it. Maybe i fear changing my life around invalidates the life I had been living. I’m sad my marriage didnt work out. I’m sad I am not in a sunshiny place. I am responsible for where I am, however, I am still sad. I feel overwhelmed with what it will take to get to where I want to be because where I want to be looks quite different than what I see. Except my son is close and that is the most important thing right now.
This has to be the most unselfaware writing I’ve done, publicly anyway. I apologize. I really tried. Like I say, this is a giant sticky web of a question that I will continue to get clarity on. I’m going to say: overwhelm is holding me back. That feels right. But it’s more than that. Its deeper and I just wish I knew. Maybe I should go for hypnosis. Seriously.
Whatever it is will lose in the end because I WILL create that life for myself. I already am!