I was feeding Genysis her nightly mayo off my finger (ooo gross! But she loves it so piss off please, thanks) and I asked myself, “What do i really want out of life?” That was the question.
to grow, connect, contribute and to have fun (duh). Then it hit me,
These qualities can be infused into any moment in order to feel sort of satisfied.
Geni finished up her mayo and sauntered down the hall, to lurk under the bed; leaving me with post-cute-cat-syndrome and a sink full of dishes.
and then it occurred to me:
I really really really do not want to die having given up on myself or lost my sense of direction. So knowing what my direction IS is elemental in this not dying with regrets stuff, you see. LET ME EXPLAIN.
Por ejemplo, I want to grow, connect, contribute, and have fun at work. Well, am I? I want to grow, connect, contribute, and have fun when with my family. Am I? I want to grow, connect, contribute, and have fun right now while i feed my cat, while I go to the post office and return this box of insecticides I thankfully do not need. Then it’s possible I can turn my attention to those intentions at anytime for a feeling of meaning and satisfaction. It’s just a small matter of remembering to do that.
Now, if I am in the pit, I will likely say this post is absolute BS. I honestly wont even think of my four intentions. But once I am out, at the soonest glimpse of light and air I can say, well that was not a contribution, connective, and certainly not fun, but I made it out so f you! and voila: growth. It’s NOT a dagnam silver lining, folks. It is actually the truth and so, creatures of this mostly round planet, even suffering has a place in my plan to die well.
For Personal Development Nerds only: Here is the breakdown.
#1 Growth Stuff
Working with My Mind — Working with negative states in a positive way so
as to not be a slave to life but remain more free and returning to a “driver’s seat” mentality when possible. Working with positive states in a focused way (don’t disperse the energy and drown in euphoria). Working with focused states in a kind way (don’t forget the point: love and joy). Working with kind states in a wise way (don’t get pulled under by sadness, who the heck wins there?). Working with wise states, wait, huh?
Getting Enlightened —experimenting with the formula for and experiencing true freedom; being in my most elemental nature. Through direct experience (meditation, yoga/exercise, looking at the sky, washing dishes or showering!), by consumption (reading, watching youtube talks) and through creating stuff and getting into flow state.
Doing Scary Sh*t —- Doing fun / important-to-us stuff even though it feels scary or daunting (Toastmasters, Improv comedy, physical challenges). This includes all personal challenges where we stop picking safety over what our gut tells us is best. Especially in regards to relationships, folks.
#2 Clean Living/ Vitality Stuff: I added this one while writing but it technically is a means to the others. Nutrition, strength, posture, (yoga, qigong, aerobic fitness), being in nature, sunshine, water, super foods, greens. These make me feel vibrant and positive.
#3 Connecting and Ship Stuff: I call all (positive) interactions with beings “ship” stuff: romance, friends, work collabs, family, and spontaneous friends (aka strangers). Somehow ship interactions are tender and fresh. It awakens those exact qualities in my mind and that is heartwarming, which, for some reason is desirable. It just is.
#4 Contribution Stuff: It’s not enough to grow and love and be loved by the beings. (Or is it?) I want to add something positive to the mix, wherever I end up in this universe within eternity. Add something good to the mix and enjoy doing it! (aka: enjoyable work).
#5 Fun Stuff! This is the whole point. This is super broad and can range from cooking (dancing Samba in the kitchen at the cat) to seeing Stevie Wonder in concert. The point is ANY moment has a potential of fun within it, provided stress and the pit are not ruling your mind-space. Hang on if that is the case. Sorry.
To me these are the very base elements of a good life and therefore death. They are 100% in my control. You may be thinking, “You totally forgot money, safety, travel, pets who pee IN the box!” No, my friend, I did not forget. Money is a means to security and many types of fun and I need much more of it by the way if you have some extra. But it is not included because it is not at the core. It is a means to get to my four/five values (again, health shouldn’t count based on this, but oh well), but not the only means. Go under the hood and look for what you really really really want out of life so you can die well. Make sure they are 100% in your control and 100% independent of conditions.
Now it’s time to clean the cat pee . Thanks, Geni.
I would love to hear what your base values are. Did I miss anything?